Inane is Relative

Well, well, what do you know --- eureka!!!! inane is relative. When I was still in servitude, I detest inanity. For me, inanity then was frivolous and a waste of time. But now 5 months into retirement, I embrace inanity. Inanity is not frivolous, inanity depends on one's present perspective. What could be inane for others could be now one's purpose for being, no matter how inconsequential, hahaha. Just imagine, before, my days were filled with crucial mind boggling credit proposals, blood curdling excoms, super customer relations..inconceivable stress. Now, imagine me in retirement..... my days are filled with mind boggling decisions... shall I zumba or bikram, pilates or barre3, juju or the farm, blue or green nailpolish, chikitita or movies, sleep in or FB, Japanese or Chinese, Marian Pilgrimage or Holy Land.... hahaha, inane? Nah!!! purposeful indeed for one savoring retirement.
My belief in karma is bolstered. I must have really done something good to merit savoring inanity. Inanity is indeed relative.

An Affair To Remember

For somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good...... Indeed, at 60, it is payback time!!!! 60 is a monumental milestone and yet, for some reason, I wasn't in the mood to party. I really planned to have a big splurge, thought of a dance party in Savanna but eventually when my retirement came in the horizon, I aborted all plans and just thought of spending the money for travel. I believed that a party will just be an unnecessary extravagance given that I will be unemployed soon! My 60th coincided with my retirement so there would be several despedidas anyway from clients and friends which will keep me busy and full. Such despedidas I also originally resisted, coz I just wanted to fade away like a good soldier, but of course I had to relent (nakakahiya naman, parang nagpapaimportante, hehe). So I figured, these events were enough to celebrate my milestones ( 60th and retirement), but in hindsight, I believe that at the back of my mind, I was expecting something special from my 2 kids for my 60th, nothing fancy coz I know both are still finding their place in the sun and would be budget challenged. For sure, I wouldn't want to be a burden, and a simple lunch, just us, will do. I didn't even expect relatives to be there. When my despedida from the office came ( just a few days before my birthday), I thought my children will already pitch in to surprise me coz my daughter and chikitita came to say hi in the dinner at Peking Garden. But nothing there!
My daughter and her family slept in the house the night before my birthday. The next day, my birthday came............ and all my children overslept, planned lunch out, became a dinner out. Notably, every birthday, I get magnificent bouquets of flowers from my children, but on that day....NADA. Nevertheless, I got the book I have been looking for for a long time as a birthday present from Chikitita . But I was still crestfallen! However, as has been a habit from 37 years of orocanism, I kept a happy facade. I kept thinking,oh well maybe the surprise is at dinner. I didn't know what to wear to dinner, hahaha, so I kept it safe, I wore my usual leggings and Zara top . But when it was time to leave the house for our mass then dinner, everybody was in very casual tshirts ( my confused mind still entertained thoughts of a surprise, maybe they will just change when we reach the venue, hahaha, pathetic!). After mass, my daughter made me choose where we will go for dinner in Eastwood ( wow, wasn't that carrying it too far? what if I didn't choose the resto where they will surprise me, hahaha, hilarious). So I chose a resto where I thought a surprise party would be unlikely, I chose Via Mare. I said I wanted bibingka. They agreed! Huh?! So off to Via mare we went..... no crowd of anybody I know!!! So I ate my bibingka and when dinner was over I offered to pay ( pabalat bunga baga, hehe). What?! They agreed to let me pay for dinner! Yes, I paid for my 60th simple dinner. I kept thinking, good I had a cheap choice, and omg, could I have raised such ingrate kids, ahahaha. But of course, the marketing person in me radiated happiness and gratitude to be with my beloved family on such a huge milestone of my life, even without gifts and even if I had to cover for dinner, huhuhuhu.Oh well, I said to myself, that's how it is, my children are just starting their own lives and they are very independent kids who do not want to take money from their mom, so I figured how will they be able to afford even a simple dinner. So days passed and I was harboring ill feeling unbeknownst to them. Coz I was a famas awardee for best actress, hindi nila nahalata ( mga dense, hehe). But of course I had to share my feeling with my sisterhood who just lent their ears with no comment!!!!How can I be so dense!!!! Fortunately, as they say time heals all wounds, I healed fast!!!! One week came to pass and my grieving heart has mended.... and thanks to my senior moments(a gift indeed), all was forgotten.
Then on a Saturday, a week after my birthday, my daughter asked me to accompany her shopping. And as usual, when my children ask something, my previous plans have to be shelved. So I agreed, told her I could just fetch her from her Makati condo so we could shop at Mall of Asia. She said no, she will just go to the house with Chiki, and we'll just leave her in the house while we go shopping in Eastwood. I said ok. When my daughter arrived in the house, there was no Chikitita in tow, but she was armed with a bunch of nice dresses in hangers, 7 dresses to be exact. Wala pa din ako kutob. I asked where Chiki was and what were those dresses for. She said, I had to fit those dresses and choose the best and than we will go to the parlor in Eastwood where she made an appointment. Oh my throbbing heart, beat, beat, beat!!! What?!!!! Why?!!! Where?!!!!! hehehe. Eureka moment, I wasn't dense after all, was just in denial, hehe. I was asking for details, my daughter said she will answer but they will just be words, hahaha. So I cooperated, temporarily put aside my curiosity and followed meekly.... she even drove for me!. Initially I resisted the parlor since I could do my own hair and I detest wearing make up. But she insisted, coz she said my sisterhood Celia wanted to make sure that I be beautified ( though I didn't really see why, hehehe, kaya pala Celia got all coiffed and made up, she wanted to make sure hindi niya ako matatalbugan, hahaha).So after the parlor, off to Savana we went. All along, I was thinking that it would just be a small crowd ( what with their tight budget, hahaha). My daughter made sure that we didn't arrive savana before 7 pm. In the elevator, I was still clueless, I was still expecting a non exclusive party, coz an exclusive party will cost a fortune by my children's standard, hehe.( ang lupit). Leaving the elevator, I found Christine, the manager of savana, by the entrance, sinasalubong ako, nothing unusual about that. But on the couch right by the entrance, I saw the best friend of my husband, uhmmm, strange... and why was it so eerily quiet and sooo dark inside?!!!! Then Kaboom, kapowww..... suddenly the lights went on, I almost tripped on the photobooth of Lucky Dog , the Men Of Blueblood band started playing and OMG, OMG, people, people , a sea of people, my relatives, my friends, my sisterhood, my beloved clients , oh my, oh my gosh!!!! The whole place was exclusive for my surprise party!!!It was totally unexpected!!!!! So many bouquets of flowers I love were given to me, by my son, by my daughter, by my friends. I felt like Ms Universe. I was bawling, tears of joy flowed (Mayangge, who was photographer that night had temporarily stopped shooting pictures coz bisaklat daw face ko kakaiyak, hehe). Life is good!!!. I kept thinking, how could my children afford this, hahaha. The band was good, people took to the dance floor for line dancing. My daughter said nakakaaliw, parang sa sine, when the music played, lahat tumayo to line dance, my kind of crowd!!! There was a video presentation which I loved, it was Chikitita saying she wanted to be just like lohla when she grows up, awww, how can you beat that, hehe. And my son sang a very beautiful song, entitled hope you dance, nothing could be more appropriate.The photobooth ( a gift of the sisterhood together with the cake, shaped like a luggage) was magical. It was themed like a cruise ship (for my travels after retirement) and everybody enjoyed posing. It was indeed busy till midnight with everybody posing for souvenir shots!It was really an enchanted evening,with good company and good food!!! I was deliriously happy!
When we were in the parlor, my daughter learned how I have been feeling before my surprise. She felt so guilty. She was sorry that she and my son had been so busy preparing for my surprise, that they forgot to plan something on the actual date of my birthday. She said however, that what they have prepared, will overwhelm me and would make up for everything. I learned that they have been preparing for this a year back and even called my friends abroad so they could schedule their vacations in time for my 60th. Unfortunately, they were not able to come coz they just had their vacations recently. So..... Val and Bogie you have been vindicated. I do love you soooo much. I know I have raised good, compassionate, loving and generous children, fact I should never have doubted. Indeed, for somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.........Maria signing off.... Till my next blog......

Metamorphosis

Life is a metamorphosis... Everything must be flowing, moving, changing to be interesting. Now that I have definitely retired from corporate life, it doesn't mean that I have retired from life. In fact life is just beginning and has metamorphosed into something else, into something I still have to discover, slowly, one day at a time. There is no need to rush, I must savor every moment. pausing and smelling the roses so to speak. It is time to find a game changer to keep one energized and motivated. It doesn't have to be profound, doesn't have to be life changing, could be anything simple, inane, something that when I wake up in the morning, would give me reason to spring out of bed. Definitely something that would be stress free. I got a gift, a ref magnet which says, retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living! Couldn't say it more succinctly than that! This is time to give back, time to free oneself from anger, time to forgive, time to pick up on lost relationships and time to get closer to the Maker. Time to read the Bible. The search is on.

AWESOME 60!!!!!!

Somebody said when you are 60 years old you can only be wealthy if you have three things:

• First is food on the table for three meals and a house to live in ----- I have food on the table for six meals! and a house to live, an inevitably almost empty nest,  with the kids all grown (no complaints though)
• Second is good health ---- except for the usual aches and pains that go with degeneration, all is well
• Third and most important of them all is that you can see that your children are doing well -----can't complain in this department either, my daughter is a VP at 32  and my son, 2 years after college is paving his way towards a great career also in finance. And a loving son- in- law and cute apo to boot.

Ergo, I am wealthy many times over. A billionaire!!!!

So many things to look forward to at 60 and retirement: 

• sleeping and waking up when I feel like it ( thank you Phillip stein )
• eating only healthy, natural food most of the time
• doing bikram yoga, pilates, and Argentine tango on a regular basis
• bonding with chikitita
• travelling solo or with company at a comfortable pace and savoring every place like a local
• freedom to do whatever and where ever the mood takes me
• be still...relax...hakuna matata .... 
• "allow yourself to get bored" ( as Richard Carlson said in his book Don't Sweat the Small stuff)
• reading uninterrupted ( now I am into book 2 of the millennium trilogy and can't put it down)
• finding and doing what I am passionate about ( always a work in progress,life is dynamic). at the moment it's blogging thus I look forward to the creative writing seminar of Tweetums Gonzales

Life is awesome indeed. Grateful Lord.

Be Still!

Be still! Easy to say!!! After 37 years of corporate life, I have imbibed a sense of urgency in everything. A slow paced mode is a waste of time, should always be competitive, team player, etc, etc. Doing something consistently for almost 4 decades has become a habit and trickled down even to my personal life. Keeping still makes me restless. Nakakapagod! (So tiring!) But I cannot help it, it is automatic... everything is rush, important, a life or death situation, so to speak. Even the way I walk evokes a sense of urgency!! hahaha. My besfren would always say, me lakad ka ba, bakit ka laging nagmamadali, hahaha. Despite Richard Carlson's reminder ( in his book Don't Sweat The Small Stuff )... remind yourself that when you die, your in basket won't be empty.... it is difficult to be still!...."the nature of your in basket is that it's meant to have items to be completed in it - it's not meant to be empty". So I have to learn to relax. Being still and unproductive ( as I have come to think) has also a purpose. It is meant to recharge, to shift course, to find a game changer. Not everything has a profound reason, inanity is not bad, it is invigorating, sometimes. Inane used to be a pet peeve, but now I'm more tolerant of it. Welcome Inane!!!!
Be still! I need to savor the moment, slow down, slow down. Perhaps yoga will indeed be helpful, breathe, breathe, breathe. In my retirement, I have so many things lined up, again in fast mode!!! I want to do and complete everything fast!!! Screechhhhh, put on the brakes, one day at a time, have to keep reminding myself. Savor the moment!!! Namnamin ang sarap, huwag lunok ng lunok, savor, savor!!!  No gobbling. BE STILL!

Memories of my Nagcarlan childhood

Seeing a Rimas tree today on my way to office made me reminisce the foods of my childhood in my native Nagcarlan. As my cousin Arleen said, ( she is now based in HK as an editor in one of the publications there) you can take the girl out of Nagcarlan but you can't take Nagcarlan out of the girl! Hahaha, so true. After just a day's visit in Nagcarlan, the distinct Nagcarlan punto which has long been gone automatically creeps up and I am transformed into a native nagcarlaneno once again! Nasasapian baga so to speak! Now I will try to recall my favorites:
1. Minatamis na Rimas ni Pilar -- the most delicious candied Rimas of my lola, nanay Pilar, mother of my mom, Nenita, my tukayo
2. Minatamis na santol -- candied santol also by nanay Pilar
3. Candied kamyas -- specialty of my mom Nenita
4. Binayo ni Bayot ( hahahaha)  this is saging na saba na binayo the old fashioned way by a gay living on the top of our street. In Nagcarlan, they call a gay bayot thus the term binayo ni bayot
5. Gagalangin or galang galang -- similar to our carioca in manila
6. Kalihim -- most delicious bread with red in the middle. Believe I will be censored if I say what this is called here, hahaha
7. Palutong -- just like kropec but the ones we buy in the town's sinehan is outstanding, just mentioning it here evokes so many memories! It is while watching Sinbad when we gorged on palutong chased by Pepsi which was the popular softdrink then
8. Kalabaw adobo sa gata -- my father Elmor was the best in this. Simply delicious tender ambrosia. He also has the most delicious concoction of intestines, lapay and all kinds of laman loob made into paksiw, mouthwatering. Wish I paid attention when he cooked this.
9. Sinantolan -- my dad's special grated sour santol cooked in gata with alamang and sili, uhmmm. At least I know how to prepare this but since it is so tedious to prepare it's a rarity in my household
10. Sinaing na tulingan -- my dad just buys this from his suki in the market and we eat this with angkak ( sort of fish bagoong which is very red) and pajo ( small, miniature mangos)
11. Sinukmane -- biko in manila
12. Itim na kalamay -- I remember they just cook this during the fiesta on Aug 24 if my memory serves me right
13. Espasol -- I miss this so much
14. Uraro -- fascinating that when you eat it, it turns hot in your mouth
15. Frozen pineapple juice from Dr Plantilla's store infront of Standard academy where I studied till Grade 4 before I transferred to St Theresa's QC. I used to blow my baon on this before going home
15. Pan de limon with Rino's liver spread and star margarine -- I still try this at home now, after being introduced to it 50 years ago infront of the public school of Nagcarlan
16. Pan de tubo -- delicious bread along with Pandeciosa and pan de coco
17. Minatamis na Macapuno -- done the special way by my mom
18. Talangka from Talahabeng -- fresh, fat delicacy
19. Ginataang Yuro ( if I am not mistaken) this is a kind of banana that my mom grates and forms into balls and cooks in gata with sugar. We eat this with palitaw with sauce

 Wow, Nagcarlan is indeed rich in so many delicious things in addition to the remarkable historical sites like the famous Underground Cemetery, the very old church and the very cold batis. This is indeed a place worth visiting when I finally retire.

Triggers

Triggers according to the dictionary are events that precipitate other events. It is easy to identify the triggers for physical discomforts ie dust will make me itch and scratch. Before I was allergic to Picnic chocolate bar such that when I gobble it, I will have pantals and itch. But it is not as easy to identify triggers that will make me emotional. I remember, during the 30th wedding anniversary ceremony of Ver's barkada about 7 years ago, I was tasked to read the 2nd reading. It was a very simple 2nd reading, not of much significance unlike Ecclesiastes 3 ( to everthing there is a season)  No sweat, right? Grossly wrong!! OMG, about 3rd sentence into the reading, I was crying uncontrollably, big tears running down my cheeks unabashedly!!! I kept on reading but everybody was all in shock and nobody knew what to do, I kept on reading until the end, since I also didnt know what to do!!! Grabe, my tears kept flowing profusely till the next day!!!!! It was so embarrassing. At least the guests found humor in it, saying I was probably the ex girlfriend of the groom and that I was so heartbroken coz even after 30 years, hindi pa din ako ang pinakasalan, hahaha. In retrospect, I believe the trigger then was the song Ikaw, which was sang in the entrance march. Whenever I hear Soul of Christ, I cry; even if I've seen Bed of Roses more than a dozen of times, I still cry profusely! There was a time, I was in a marketing call with a prospective client, I cried!!! Embarrassing!!! Embarrassing. I wish I am not as clueless in my emotional triggers, so I could avoid embarrassing moments. Now that it is time to bid adieu to clients and friends, I fear getting too emotional but it can't be helped. I guess change is a trigger, the unexplainable triggers I will just have to chalk up to hormones.