Be Still!

Be still! Easy to say!!! After 37 years of corporate life, I have imbibed a sense of urgency in everything. A slow paced mode is a waste of time, should always be competitive, team player, etc, etc. Doing something consistently for almost 4 decades has become a habit and trickled down even to my personal life. Keeping still makes me restless. Nakakapagod! (So tiring!) But I cannot help it, it is automatic... everything is rush, important, a life or death situation, so to speak. Even the way I walk evokes a sense of urgency!! hahaha. My besfren would always say, me lakad ka ba, bakit ka laging nagmamadali, hahaha. Despite Richard Carlson's reminder ( in his book Don't Sweat The Small Stuff )... remind yourself that when you die, your in basket won't be empty.... it is difficult to be still!...."the nature of your in basket is that it's meant to have items to be completed in it - it's not meant to be empty". So I have to learn to relax. Being still and unproductive ( as I have come to think) has also a purpose. It is meant to recharge, to shift course, to find a game changer. Not everything has a profound reason, inanity is not bad, it is invigorating, sometimes. Inane used to be a pet peeve, but now I'm more tolerant of it. Welcome Inane!!!!
Be still! I need to savor the moment, slow down, slow down. Perhaps yoga will indeed be helpful, breathe, breathe, breathe. In my retirement, I have so many things lined up, again in fast mode!!! I want to do and complete everything fast!!! Screechhhhh, put on the brakes, one day at a time, have to keep reminding myself. Savor the moment!!! Namnamin ang sarap, huwag lunok ng lunok, savor, savor!!!  No gobbling. BE STILL!

Memories of my Nagcarlan childhood

Seeing a Rimas tree today on my way to office made me reminisce the foods of my childhood in my native Nagcarlan. As my cousin Arleen said, ( she is now based in HK as an editor in one of the publications there) you can take the girl out of Nagcarlan but you can't take Nagcarlan out of the girl! Hahaha, so true. After just a day's visit in Nagcarlan, the distinct Nagcarlan punto which has long been gone automatically creeps up and I am transformed into a native nagcarlaneno once again! Nasasapian baga so to speak! Now I will try to recall my favorites:
1. Minatamis na Rimas ni Pilar -- the most delicious candied Rimas of my lola, nanay Pilar, mother of my mom, Nenita, my tukayo
2. Minatamis na santol -- candied santol also by nanay Pilar
3. Candied kamyas -- specialty of my mom Nenita
4. Binayo ni Bayot ( hahahaha)  this is saging na saba na binayo the old fashioned way by a gay living on the top of our street. In Nagcarlan, they call a gay bayot thus the term binayo ni bayot
5. Gagalangin or galang galang -- similar to our carioca in manila
6. Kalihim -- most delicious bread with red in the middle. Believe I will be censored if I say what this is called here, hahaha
7. Palutong -- just like kropec but the ones we buy in the town's sinehan is outstanding, just mentioning it here evokes so many memories! It is while watching Sinbad when we gorged on palutong chased by Pepsi which was the popular softdrink then
8. Kalabaw adobo sa gata -- my father Elmor was the best in this. Simply delicious tender ambrosia. He also has the most delicious concoction of intestines, lapay and all kinds of laman loob made into paksiw, mouthwatering. Wish I paid attention when he cooked this.
9. Sinantolan -- my dad's special grated sour santol cooked in gata with alamang and sili, uhmmm. At least I know how to prepare this but since it is so tedious to prepare it's a rarity in my household
10. Sinaing na tulingan -- my dad just buys this from his suki in the market and we eat this with angkak ( sort of fish bagoong which is very red) and pajo ( small, miniature mangos)
11. Sinukmane -- biko in manila
12. Itim na kalamay -- I remember they just cook this during the fiesta on Aug 24 if my memory serves me right
13. Espasol -- I miss this so much
14. Uraro -- fascinating that when you eat it, it turns hot in your mouth
15. Frozen pineapple juice from Dr Plantilla's store infront of Standard academy where I studied till Grade 4 before I transferred to St Theresa's QC. I used to blow my baon on this before going home
15. Pan de limon with Rino's liver spread and star margarine -- I still try this at home now, after being introduced to it 50 years ago infront of the public school of Nagcarlan
16. Pan de tubo -- delicious bread along with Pandeciosa and pan de coco
17. Minatamis na Macapuno -- done the special way by my mom
18. Talangka from Talahabeng -- fresh, fat delicacy
19. Ginataang Yuro ( if I am not mistaken) this is a kind of banana that my mom grates and forms into balls and cooks in gata with sugar. We eat this with palitaw with sauce

 Wow, Nagcarlan is indeed rich in so many delicious things in addition to the remarkable historical sites like the famous Underground Cemetery, the very old church and the very cold batis. This is indeed a place worth visiting when I finally retire.

Triggers

Triggers according to the dictionary are events that precipitate other events. It is easy to identify the triggers for physical discomforts ie dust will make me itch and scratch. Before I was allergic to Picnic chocolate bar such that when I gobble it, I will have pantals and itch. But it is not as easy to identify triggers that will make me emotional. I remember, during the 30th wedding anniversary ceremony of Ver's barkada about 7 years ago, I was tasked to read the 2nd reading. It was a very simple 2nd reading, not of much significance unlike Ecclesiastes 3 ( to everthing there is a season)  No sweat, right? Grossly wrong!! OMG, about 3rd sentence into the reading, I was crying uncontrollably, big tears running down my cheeks unabashedly!!! I kept on reading but everybody was all in shock and nobody knew what to do, I kept on reading until the end, since I also didnt know what to do!!! Grabe, my tears kept flowing profusely till the next day!!!!! It was so embarrassing. At least the guests found humor in it, saying I was probably the ex girlfriend of the groom and that I was so heartbroken coz even after 30 years, hindi pa din ako ang pinakasalan, hahaha. In retrospect, I believe the trigger then was the song Ikaw, which was sang in the entrance march. Whenever I hear Soul of Christ, I cry; even if I've seen Bed of Roses more than a dozen of times, I still cry profusely! There was a time, I was in a marketing call with a prospective client, I cried!!! Embarrassing!!! Embarrassing. I wish I am not as clueless in my emotional triggers, so I could avoid embarrassing moments. Now that it is time to bid adieu to clients and friends, I fear getting too emotional but it can't be helped. I guess change is a trigger, the unexplainable triggers I will just have to chalk up to hormones.

Degenerative disease

They say 60 is the new 40. Mirrors don't lie, so I absolutely agree, hahaha, walang kokontra. Because when I say I will be retiring in a month's time, common response is ..... really?!, unbelievable... Grabe, haba hair ko di ba?!!!! Pwede!!!! Until, the back of my neck hurt and a consult with the doctor revealed... tada... cervical spondylosis, a degenerative disease!!! huwat?!!!! sounded like a death sentence. Something which is inevitable due to aging, the doctor added!!!! huwat again!!!!! So the facade looks 40 (ehem) but the foundation is crumbling and it can't be helped!!! But the good news is, the situation could be corrected by rehab, so no worries, I could still climb Mt Pulag with ginoo.The point is, nobody can escape aging. So I am lovingly embracing it and ipinangangalandakan ko...... ako ay sisenta na sa april 10, na wala pang ipinaparetoke, feels sooo liberating after years of faking 40, hahahaha. My daughter will be sooo relieved coz she doesn't have to fake 24 anymore.

Lonesome but definitely not lonely!

As my retirement nears, what I fear most is that I might have no one to talk to... with my kids all having their own lives, my friends, still busy in the old grind, no more clients to interact with etc, etc. Just a little way back, as I was in my usual monologue (as I always wont, despite being with my besfren), my besfren  told me ... hey, actually you are a loner ( huwat!!! my gregarious self, a loner?!) then it dawned on me!! I enjoy being by myself, talking to myself.. indeed. When I look back, there were times I would eat by myself in our very crowded cafeteria not minding the fact that I was eating by myself (and people asking me who I am with, as if being lonesome is lonely) and thoroughly enjoying it ( which others find bizarre, hahaha). I have been in marketing for the past 30 years, and consistently doing something for more than 2 weeks truly becomes a habit, such that maybe one could develop into something actually not what the person really wants to be but what circumstances drive her to be! eureka moment! am I making sense?! This reminds me of one of the lessons of my son in Northridge way, way back which really stuck..... Juan in school, must be Juan at home. Maybe it is difficult to untanggle what has been ingrained thru years of exposure, but hey, it's a challenge to try. So now, as the d day fast approaches, I would have much, much time and wherewithal for real self discovery. I thorougly enjoyed my past 37 years in banking but I want to embark on a self discovery... what am I really passionate about, who and what is the real moi? Peel off the layers of vassarism ( private joke) and expose the real retired and beautiful me, hahaha. Lonesome but definitely not lonely!!!! whoohuuu!!!!

New beginnings

I've always wanted to start a blog about anything that interests me which actually are sooo many. But am so techinically challenged which made me hesitate until a friend introduced me to it. So here goes. I hope I have enough creative juices to make me an interesting read. I have no problem sharing, actually, I am so madaldal in real life that I have no problem talking to strangers and revealing to them my innermost details, hahaha, to which my officemate said, this is a sign of aging coz her almost 80 year old mom is like that, so I have to tone it down otherwise I will reveal my age. blah, blah, blah,blah, hahaha. However now that I am retiring soon, April 15 to be exact, I don't give a hoot anymore if people discover how old I really am...I will be retirednbeautiful soon!!!! And I am already a lohla to a very pretty chikitita, so no reason anymore to hide my age.Am looking forward to doing things I've never done before, trying out anything that will interest me and sharing them to all and sundry. Travel will be on top of my list, Obagi definitely will be a mainstay, Ulthera or not to Ulthera (debate still going on). Must pursue my desire to take up creative writing, definitely. Take care of Chikitita when needed, of course. Start scrapping from my bucket list, asap. Resume pilates, bikram yoga and definitely continue ballroom dancing. Wow, my calendar is so full, I want to start right now. So that my next blogs will be more interesting, I should learn to put pictures, humm, a great challenge. But hey, I mastered facebook, so no big deal. New beginnings, here I come!!!!